Shame and Perfectionism – End the Torment of Self Loathing
If I don’t like me, no one else will. So how do I deal with the day to day activities that I must engage in life. Don’t show who I am. Present a better, more acceptable version of myself to the world. You know, always put that best foot forward!
Problem, that is exhausting. And if it works, it reinforces in my mind that I would not have been good enough and that I need to keep portraying myself in this false way. So I go through life, being a fake. Well how am I going to feel about myself being a phoney. So I dislike me and then eventually dislike that I lie to people on a daily basis and trick them into liking me when I’m actually not likeable … But I have to do this because they would reject the real me.
Being perfect does not actually lead you to feel more secure, worthy, or liked. Being perfect leads you to feel like you fooled them for a while. To actually be comfortable in social situations and create real connections with other people, you need to allow them to see the real you.
Shame causes us to believe that we are not good enough. Perfectionism is a cloak we can use to hide that information from other people. If we look like we belong, then we fool them into thinking that we belong. Unfortunately, perfection is not something we can actually attain and our flaws eventually show. As does the pain of believing that we are not good enough.Here is a book that helps explain the connection between perfectionism and shame:Canada: http://amzn.to/2xmXihDUnited Kingdom: http://amzn.to/2yvKPYWYou can find Violet here: www.violetreveira.comAll product links are amazon affiliate links. Thanks for watching Violet's Practical Help.
Posted by Violet Reveira, Psychologist on Tuesday, December 5, 2017